How to stop comparing yourself to others and find success your way
Do you ever compare yourself to others?
When I watched Demi Moore’s Golden Globe speech, it hit home. She spoke about feeling like she wasn’t smart enough, pretty enough, or just good enough — until she put down the measuring stick and stopped comparing herself to others.
And that’s when it clicked. Comparison is something we all do, no matter how successful or experienced we are. I see it all the time in my work with ambitious leaders and I’ve struggled with it too.
So today, we’re diving into career comparisonitis — why we get stuck in the comparison trap and more importantly, how to break free from it.
Picture this…
You’re feeling on top of the world — fulfilled by your work and completely satisfied with where you are in life. Then out of nowhere, it all comes crashing down.
You’re scrolling LinkedIn and see a peer being featured in a major industry publication. Or a colleague lands the promotion you were hoping for — taking on a bigger role, leading a high-profile project, or stepping into the C-suite.
Suddenly, the confidence and excitement you had about your progress disappear. You start questioning yourself and doubting your abilities.
What you’re experiencing is career ‘comparisonitis’. And you’re not alone. Comparison culture is everywhere — especially in a world of social media and ‘perfect’ Instagram feeds.
They say comparison is the thief of joy, but it’s also the thief of progress. It pulls you away from your own goals, leaves you feeling stuck and often leads to inaction.
Does it feel like everyone else is getting ahead — faster than you?
Read on to learn why you compare yourself to others and how it holds you back professionally. You’ll discover five practical strategies to stop the cycle of comparison — once and for all!
WHAT IS COMPARISONITIS?
Comparison is when you measure your worth against others. This leads to self-judgement and feelings of inadequacy when it comes to career success, status, wealth or influence.
Psychologist Leon Festinger’s Social Comparison Theory explains that we evaluate ourselves by comparing to those most like us. This includes our peers, colleagues, or those with similar backgrounds.
As humans, we crave acceptance and belonging. But we also want to be, do, or have more than those around us. We tend to compare ourselves to those we perceive as ‘better,’ searching for similarities in their qualities or identifying what we lack to reach their level.
HOW TO CONQUER CAREER COMPARISONITIS
If comparing yourself to others is something you’re struggling with, here are my top tips to overcome it.
#1 — ACKNOWLEDGE IT
Comparison is often subconscious so awareness is the first step to overcoming it. Recognise when it’s happening and get to the core of what you’re experiencing.
Ask yourself: What feelings is this bringing up? Where are they coming from? And what are they trying to tell me?
When you start to notice comparison in the moment, you will take back control and move forward with confidence.
#2 — REFRAME COMPARISON AS INSPIRATION
A client recently asked me: Do you ever compare yourself to others? And is it something you notice in your clients?
My honest answer? YES, absolutely!
I used to put people I perceived as ‘successful’ on a pedestal — until I discovered even the most accomplished, high-achievers feel this way. The difference isn’t whether you compare yourself, but HOW you respond to it.
These days, when I measure my progress against someone landing a big book deal or speaking on global stages, I don’t see it as proof I’m behind. It’s a clue to what I truly WANT!
Jealousy and envy aren’t negative — they’re signposts towards your deepest desires. If you feel lack or unworthiness towards someone doing or having something you see as ‘better’ than you, pay attention. It’s revealing what’s possible for you.
So instead of resenting those who have what you want, let them inspire you. Surround yourself with mentors and role models — especially those who’ve walked a similar path and are a few steps ahead.
Because when you reframe comparison as inspiration, you’ll realise — if they can do it, so can you!
#3 — PUT YOUR BLINDERS ON
Racehorses wear blinkers to block out distractions and stay focused on what’s ahead. You can apply the same concept to combat comparisonitis. Keep your eyes on your lane, not on what others are doing — whether they’re ahead or behind.
Comparison is a distraction from your own progress. If certain people make you feel inadequate, consider unfollowing or distancing yourself. A social media detox could be exactly what you need.
Staying in your own lane is about defining success on your terms. Ask yourself: What do I really want? What’s important to me?
When you know your vision and values, you will remain motivated and on track towards your goals!
#4 — GATHER EVIDENCE
To stop comparison, collect evidence of your unique strengths and accomplishments. Gather proof of positive feedback or results from clients, colleagues or your boss — client testimonials, emails, performance reviews. Keep it somewhere visible and review it whenever self-doubt creeps in.
Also, look at the bigger picture and stay focused on your vision and goals. Acknowledge how far you’ve come and celebrate your daily wins, including the small steps you take along the way.
When you regularly remind yourself of your progress, you will build confidence and stay focused on your own growth.
#5 — FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN GIVE
It’s natural to feel small when comparing yourself to others. You may want to shrink or hide your work from the world. Instead, take the focus away from yourself and onto how you can serve others.
Keep putting yourself out there. If you’re not sharing your unique gifts and ideas, you’re doing a disservice to those who need them most. Even if your words impact one person or help someone in the smallest way, isn’t it worth it?
Because when you focus on what you can give versus get, you will silence self-doubt and make a real impact.
Comparing yourself to others can rob you of your joy, confidence and belief in your abilities. These tips have helped my clients and I stop comparisonitis and create a career on our terms. I hope these strategies support you too!
Want support to break free from comparison and take ownership of your career with clarity, confidence and a strategic plan?
Book your free Career Clarity Call HERE to get started!
Stacey Back is a career planning specialist, certified career coach + speaker. She helps high-achievers at a career crossroads find the work that lights them up, increase their income, impact and create a career + life on their terms. Stacey works virtually with individuals and organisations based across the globe.