WHAT CAUSES PERFECTIONISM?
At the heart of perfectionism is a deep fear of not being good enough.
Perfectionism is developed by our upbringing, life experience and conditioning. You grew up being praised and rewarded for your performance and achievements. You work hard, get results and suddenly start to believe you must be successful to feel good about yourself.
Anything ‘less than perfect’ is simply not good enough.
As human beings, we’ve evolved to feel fear and avoid threats — to survive. Perfectionism is also influenced by who we naturally are.
Self-criticism and the fear of being judged by others is also major cause and effect of perfectionism. Because you control these feelings by trying to be ‘perfect’.
HOW DOES IT DIFFER TO ACHIEVEMENT?
Perfectionism is not about self-development, growth and a healthy sense of accomplishment.
It overemphasises the importance of achievement, attaching a high level of value to other people’s opinions. Perfectionists link their self-worth to their ability to reach their own unrelenting high standards. As Brene Brown says:
“Healthy striving is self-focused: How can I improve? Perfectionism is other focused: What will they think?”.
WHAT ARE THE CONSEQUENCES?
Perfectionism results in overachievement. You believe doing your best is not enough — you must strive for greater and better. As a result, you have unrealistically high standards, set unachievable goals and put yourself under immense pressure to reach them.
Stress and burn-out are the consequences of overachievement. You work excessively hard to achieve your goals. Work’s no longer fun and you start to question why you set these big ambitions in the first place.
You could also be completely overwhelmed by the size of the task in front of you, held back by procrastination — and feel anxious and guilty if you don’t manage to meet your own high standards.
Even if you accomplish your goals, your sense of fulfillment is often short lived. You immediately dismiss your success, feel relieved you’ve achieved it or set the benchmark even higher next time.
HOW DO YOU MANAGE PERFECTIONISM?
I’ve learnt how to successfully manage perfectionism and keep my overachievement in check most of the time. Here are my top tips.
TIP 1 — TAKE IMPERFECT ACTION
Every year I choose a guiding word which gives me focus for the year. Back in 2019, determined to overcome perfectionism once and for all, I chose ‘imperfection’ as my theme for the year.
As a perfectionist, it can be easy to get caught up in the details. Trying to get everything perfect, you delay taking action.
But no action equals no results. So in 2019, I decided to embrace imperfection by taking imperfect action!
Imperfect action is about going for progress, not perfection. It’s also about the power of choice – choosing what you say yes and no to. Taking action because you want to, not because you have to.
And choosing to do something because you enjoy it — not because you’re focused on achieving the final end goal.
TIP 2 — DO YOUR BEST
This one comes from the wonderful book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. If you haven’t read it, I highly recommend you do so. It’s amazing!
The fourth agreement states: Always do your best. Nothing more, nothing less.
This isn’t about doing more than your best (unhealthy striving and overachievement). Working longer and harder is ineffective and leads to reduced productivity. Because in the long term, doing more makes you unhappy, stressed and burn-out.
Doing your best involves setting realistic standards and goals. Ask yourself: How can you relax your standards? Are your goals achievable?
Always doing your best is about replacing an unhealthy belief with a more helpful, positive one.
It’s the belief that ‘your best is never the same from one moment to the next’. Meaning: it changes over time depending upon your mood, energy levels, health and what’s going on in your life.
Some days you’ll feel energised and ready to take on the world. If you’ve had a poor night’s sleep or you’re sick, ‘your best’ will be different. The idea is to live in the moment and simply do your best — whatever that looks like right now.
TIP 3 — CELEBRATE SUCCESS — AND FAILING
It can be easy to play down your achievements, or rush straight to the next goal. Instead, take some time to reflect on and celebrate your achievements.
Reward yourself when you accomplish an overall goal. And to stay motivated, celebrate and reward yourself as you reach milestones along the way.
Practice making mistakes and celebrate failing too. Failing is an opportunity for learning. To fail doesn’t mean you’re a failure.
Letting go of the need to be perfect leads to action and learning. By making mistakes you learn from them. And this is where the growth and transformation happens!
TIP 4 – PRIORITISE SELF-CARE
Unrelenting high standards and overachievement lead to burn-out. To counter this, always prioritise self-care and time-out.
To me, self-care means maintaining my morning routine of meditation and exercise, eating healthily and taking regular breaks throughout the day. For others, it could be as simple as having a good night’s sleep or booking an annual holiday overseas.
Work out what self-care means to you, put measures in place to avoid burn-out and prioritise sticking to them.
TIP 5 – PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION
Not feeling good enough and the fear of failure are part of being human. You’re not alone — we all experience these feelings at some stage in our lives. Be kind to yourself, let these feelings appear, but don’t get attached to them.
Finally practice self-acknowledgement. Take the time to celebrate who you are, your best qualities. Write them down and make it a daily practice!
Perfectionism is prevalent amongst highly successful people. Yet what separates the high-achievers from the perfectionists is a healthy sense of ambition and a focus on self-development and growth.
As I’ve shared, perfectionism leads to overachievement and burn-out as you push yourself to meet your own unrelenting high standards and goals.
These tips support me on a daily basis to keep my perfectionism in check. And they help my clients balance their ambitions with the desire to ‘be perfect’. I hope they assist you too.